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Blah [Jun. 17th, 2006|05:39 pm]
biodrew
Got done with my teaching requirement. Which means I don't have any more grading to do, lessons to plan, students to deal with.

Got done with my classes (for the summer at least). No studying, no tests, no homework...

Have some stuff that I need to read up to prep for labs. Given that I am going to some science geek retreat for the next couple of days tho, no real need to worry about that right now.

Gods, I am so bored that even video games don't seem amusing to me right now. I've reached the point where television sounds dull, don't want to go out and see a movie, I could clean house... ick...

Ah, the life of the single, adult graduate student in a small college town during the summer. Recovering from finals burn out...
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Life? [Jun. 14th, 2006|09:16 pm]
biodrew
Just got done with my last final for the next few months today. It made me wonder... why?

Based on all scientific evidence, there is absolutely nothing past this life. All that we are, all that we were, is all based on electrical impulses in the brain that fade (rather quickly) once the blood stops reaching that portion of the body.

People like to argue the law of thermodynamics, that energy can not be created nor destroyed, however they like to conveniently ignore other rules of thermodynamics which state that energy goes from complex to simple, that it dissipates over time.

There is a high probability that all that we are is what we are right now, in this moment. That whatever genetic information that we chemically had shoved into us (against our wills), is what makes us who we are. That if we are fat, stupid, ugly, there is no karma. There is no reason for it other than simple bad genetics. Being a nice person, caring about others. That in the great scheme of things means absolutely nothing.

Is this the reason for religion? To 'scare' us into doing the right thing, to give us hope that if we strive to turn the other cheek, to give compassion to others, that we will somehow get a reward for it?

Don't get me wrong, I hope, I 'pray' that there is something else out there. That despite all that goes on around me, despite seeing people who truly seem to be evil getting the most out of life while some poor soul begs me for change so that he can escape the sad existence of life for awhile, that somehow karma will win out. That there is a reason for me to strive to be nice and polite to all, a reason to keep trying to learn all I can, a reason to... live?

Drew
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Absence [Jun. 8th, 2006|08:05 pm]
biodrew
[mood |depresseddepressed]

They say that absense makes the heart grow fonder. Have you ever really know that to be the case? In terms of a week or two, maybe so. A month or two... possibly. In all honsety, anything more than about 6 months and there really isn't much to go on anymore. Do I miss the people that I left back in Colorado? To a degree, yes. However it gets less every day I have to admit.
Case in point (and rant). I talked to someone I knew back in Colorado for the first time in awhile a few days ago. I considered this person a pretty good friend back then. While online chatting, I found out that he and a group of other people that I considered myself moderately close to were actually in the same state as myself (Oregon for those not paying attention). I was told that as my finals were getting close (next week, wish me luck!), they decided not to contact me.
How polite! Visiting other people they knew out here, and being kind enough to not to bother to let me know so that I could study!
Slowly but surely, I come to the realization that friendship means very little to anyone anymore. Love? Love is something that comes and goes, something that you cherish when you have it, regret it when you don't, always wanting more no matter what is there. People use you to the best of their ability and then drop you when you are either not of any use to them, or inconvenient.
Now, I am not stupid, nor goth, I do realize how bitter all this sounds and I hate to sound bitter. But still... am I wrong?

Drew
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Yeah, I hate quizes but I was bored, sue me! [Jun. 5th, 2006|08:20 pm]
biodrew






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Cont. [Jun. 4th, 2006|09:02 pm]
biodrew
What can I say, I feel talkative tonight.
I have finally come to the conclusion that I don't understand people. Everywhere I turn I see these silly little drama inducing games that go on and do nothing other than generate strife and discord.
I am an only child. Thus, I have to admit that despite my total lack of social skill, I crave attention a great deal. Often, at a party or in a bar, I will go out of my way to crack jokes, make political observations in a witty form, or basically do what it takes to have people look in my direction. I generally have to be a sheet and a half to the wind in order to be up front about it, but still. I do enjoy attention.
The point I am making is that I enjoy positive attention. Yes, cracking jokes, etc tends to draw negative attention as well. Particularly around dumb or ignorant people, or the people you are making jokes about. Still, I have yet to understand the principle of gossip.
To note, there is an extreme difference between gossip and news. News relies on facts, information that does not pre-dispose someone to an opinion. Gossip essentially is also news, but often without facts behind it, and with the intent to make another person look bad.
The point I am attempting to make. Why do people use slander, libel, and other rude gestures targeted against other people? If you don't like someone, that is quite fine. There is a good list of people I don't like. I tend to avoid them and avoid comment about them. Why bother making things up about them, blowing things out of proportion concerning them, and generally being quite the evil person?
Am I odd in that if someone asks me something about someone I dislike, I tend to shrug, at the worst say I am not fond of them, and not go into details?
I will admit, as one might have noticed from my previous posts, I enjoy telling the news. I love being on screen, reading off the news stories, informing others to what is going on around them. However, how far away from that is gossip, where does one draw the line?

Drew
(ok, now I am done for the night, potentially until my finals are over = 2 weeks)
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Life [Jun. 4th, 2006|08:43 pm]
biodrew
Life, don't talk to me about life. Brain the size of a planet...
It is times like these where I truly understand the character of Marvin the Paranoid Android. Here I am, in grad school, attempting to teach various undergrads the fine art of microbiology. I stand, apart from their table, occasionally at the front of the classroom. I wander up and down the aisle, and I listen.
I hear what they complain about, I hear what they find 'cool', I hear what upsets them, I hear their life's aspirations. Do they know that I am listening, that I bother to hear anything they say beyond the shadow of what help 'I' can provide them? Quite doubtfully. Yet still they talk.
As they talk I realize the gap that has been occurring since I began to attend graduate school. It isn't necessarily a gap in education, it isn't really a gap in maturity, nor intelligence. Instead it is a strange combination of the three, blending together into something that I can not describe. Something that puts me apart from them, sympathizing with them, but knowing that they could never really understand my point of view.
I can somewhat imagine it would be what a Catholic priest must feel. Here he is, providing guidance, arranging for marriage, performing the ceremony, being a part of the proceedings, yet at the same time apart. Someone who is at one time an intimate part of what is going on, yet due to their life choice, they are also astranged from it all.
I keep forgetting how at their young age I thought that plus or minus ten years was a lifetime away from me. I think at that age it was. Now I encounter people ten to twenty years older and I find the gap in ages much smaller than someone even five to ten years younger than myself. In one moment I talk to a woman who I find attractive, yet at the same time think of her as childish, wandering doe-eyed into the big, scary world.
Part of me wishes that I never found my shadow, that the lost boys were still at my side, that I stayed in never-never land. In one breath I cry for my lost childhood, yet praise my new experience and maturity. Though I still miss my battles with Captain Hook, I am somewhat glad to have given them up.

Drew Russell Davidson
Graduate Student in Microbiology
Dreamer (on hold)
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(no subject) [May. 29th, 2006|08:45 pm]
biodrew
Just realized that it has been quite a long time since I have posted.
The more I get to know people, the less I actually understand people. Case in point; when I first arrived here I could not get along with anyone. It seemed that most of the people here tended to go out of their way to be rude to me more than anything else. Being me (and Canadian) I pretty much blew them off and did my own thing. In general, if someone is rude to me, I ignore them. If someone is nice, I am nice back.
It kind of started a few months back. The majority of the people who seemed to go out of there way to be rude to me started getting nicer and nicer. Now they act like I am one of their friends and such. Is it that people are generally stupid and tend to forget their actions against others? Is it that I am now considered to be 'cool' or some lame thing such as that, thus they have 'decided' to accept me as an equal? Don't get me totally wrong. I much prefer people being nice to me rather than the alternative, however... I do remember the way people act around me. I remember how they act towards others.
I have no intention of rocking the boat so to speak. I basically plan to ride this next year out to the best of my ability. Get as much work done towards my Masters degree as I can, and then see what the future holds for me. Do I decide to go to work after the Masters? Do I stay and get my PhD? Do I go completely against the grain and go for becomming an anchor on a news station? Right now I really can not say. I do miss Colorado and the people I have left behind a good deal. But instead of absence making the heart grow fonder, it really tends to just dull it a good deal. Though, I have also found that with good friends, distance is somewhat meaningless. When you are there, the friendship is just as strong as ever. Even if you don't have the chance to chat while you are gone.
Anyway, I do apologize for not posting. This semester has been moderately insane. Statistics homework, Microbial Ecology studying to get done (it is scary when your boss is also your teacher for a class), trying to get some research done, grading papers, teaching classes. The list does go on. This summer, no classes to take, teach, or grade. Just research. Which will take up a good deal of time, but also leave a bit of free time thank goodness.
Geez, forgot the whole original intent of this posting. I am 35! As of last Friday... I am now, without question, middle aged. HELP!
Best wishes,
Drew
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Argh!!! [Mar. 15th, 2006|07:02 pm]
biodrew
Well, have no idea what I said last time on my LJ so if I repeat myself, please forgive. It is official, I am going for my Masters degree now. Does this mean I have given up on a PhD? Honestly, I have no idea at this time.
I think this is for the best as it seems that it will take me about 2 years for me to get so I feel I know anything about whatever specific topic comes up. This way at least I get a project given to me by the professor, help doing it, all that good stuff. My professor actually thought it was a good idea going for a Masters instead as well.
Things here are as nutty as ever. Still doing the movie review show. Well at least I have been so much as they have been shooting. They have kind of been slacking as of late, which works pretty well for me as it gives me more time to study, grade, study, lab work, study... get the idea?
Currently am writing a script for a comedy series that we are hopefully going to shoot over spring break a little and over the summer. Should be some funny stuff. That is if I can get the other guys motivated enough to go through with it. Seems there are two distinct groups here, those who do work and nothing but work, live work, never think about anything BUT work. Then there are those who just really do nothing. Show up for class (occasionally), and really it is nearly impossible to get them to do anything at all. I am in the middle, leaning more towards the work-a-holic... just not LIVE work. Which makes people here confused about me. Ah well, I am used to confusing people so it is all good.
Anyhow, just wanted to send a quick update. I will try to get the show on DVD so when I am back in Colorado I can show it off.

Finals are coming! The Finals are coming! Next week... ARGH!

Drew
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Whew [Feb. 27th, 2006|05:08 pm]
biodrew
[mood |busy]

Well, to say that this semester has been busy would be quite an understatement to say the least. New lab with new professor, who is VERY cool and helpful. Actually have a project that I am working on with some interesting results - which leads to more research - which leads to the graduate equivalent of job security.
Being a T.A. for the hardest class (grading load wise) twice over. That tends to add a bit of work and stress on top of things.
Classes wise, I am enjoying them. Lots of reading and such, but luckily they aren't proving to be TOO hard as of yet.
Finally gotten done with midterms, have everything graded that needs to be graded. Heck, my professor seemed to indicate that I was working TOO much in the lab given my schedule and such. Thus doing two much smaller experiments that require less intervention (i.e. less going in, doing samples, etc.)
Since I finally had a moment to catch my breath (not a long one mind you), I figured I would write in my LJ as that has not been done in quite some time.
Overall Corvallis is finally starting to grow on me a bit. The people that I seemed to have issues with, I still have some issues, but for the most part I just stopped caring as I tend to get along with the majority here. Just had to modify my behavior a little bit (nothing too serious, just a bit of minor stuff, making my shyness come across as shyness rather than cocky mostly). It is still WAY the heck too small for me, but Salem and Eugene aren't TOO far away if I need a mall fix, and Portland is about as big city as big city gets.
In a lab that is keeping me very busy, which is actually awesome as the lab I was in before I literally had nothing to do for weeks on end. Which given the pain in the butt grad school is, was kind of nice... but I prefer being too busy as opposed to not busy enough. Good people in it also which is nice.
Cut back pretty much completely on doing the news. Just not enough time to research, input, read stories and such. Dunno if I will do it again in the near future or not. Pretty much stopped doing the radio thing as Sunday's are sacred to me (in terms of being able to sleep in after hanging out late on Saturday) and are taken as a day off. You know you are busy when you have to plan out your free time.
Still doing the movie review show as that allows me to go see free movies, and given the crap that I have sat through lately, I am really glad I have not had to pay. Still writing up little funny skits for a comedy show that my friends and I keep threatening to do. Basically, no gaming - still creative - need outlet or *BOOM*.
Not to be overly pessimistic, but I am almost worried as things seem to be going so well... too well...
Maybe not kicking puppies for the past few years has re-set the karmic scales...

Drew
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New Year [Jan. 4th, 2006|09:38 pm]
biodrew
I think I have gotten my New Years Resolution down. Now, normally I try to actually find one that does me some good, or is simply silly. This time I think I have one that I can keep rather easily, is moderately silly, and will do me some good.
This year I resolve not to date anyone. Yeah, kind of silly I know, and given my track record should be fairly easy to keep. Given that I am in graduate school, and really don't have the time or energy for the effort that dating involves, I think it would do me some good as well. Overall I think it will help out as it causes me to sort of push those dating, confusing, does she like me or not, sort of thoughts out of my head. If I start to fret about it, I remind myself of my resolution and just go on with what I was doing.

Other side things... just got back from a visit with my parents. Was in Arizona for a few days, then went on a cruise to some Caribbean islands. St. Maartin was my personal favorite, half Dutch, half French. Very pretty.

Odd side note, in a never ending attempt to be cool (I know, never happen), I decided that I would teach myself how to play the guitar. I started a few weeks before I left, picked it up again today. It is fun, I still have my basic ear so know how badly I play, can still read sheet music pretty well. Can sing while playing, which is REALLY hard to do with the saxophone, and just sounds wrong... I forgot how much I missed just sitting around and playing a few songs on an instrument.

Lastly, strongly beginning to lean towards just getting a Masters degree instead of a PhD... it will cost me quite a bit more money (which is not fun)... but overall, I really don't think I have the PhD mentality. I enjoy doing things other than writing grants, I think the academic system is pretty messed up, people say that a PhD can make it more difficult to find work as you are 'overqualified' outside the academic system. Right now, I have no idea... but I am leaning more and more towards that option.

Ah well, going to ride out this quarter to see how things go and figure it out from there.

Laters!
Drew
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